we had done clomid and a trigger shot the cycle we got pregnant. i took an HPT at 8 dpo, just to see if the trigger shot was still hanging around. very faint positive, so i knew that it was. couldn't get my bloodtest until 11 dpo at the earliest. so sunday morning i pee'd on a stick. 10 dpo. every other HPT i'd taken at 10 dpo after a trigger shot was stark white negative. this one had a very, very, very faint line. it showed up after the time limit. i debated if it was an "evap line." but both jeff and i agreed that it was definitely a pink line. ok, so we wait and test again the next day. i called my doctor in between taking the test and the line showing up. "i'm not pregnant, again. we're sad. and getting very, very discouraged." we were discouraged. on the verge of calling it done--for good. can't take much more of this. she said, it's still early. asked if we wanted a bloodtest. we said, we'll test again tomorrow and call then.
so i took another test on monday morning. this time the line was darker. this time it was pink without a doubt. this time it showed up within the time limit. this time i was sure it was positive. but somehow still doubted it. so we called to order the bloodtest.
HPT and bloodtest on tuesday both said positive. it's official. we got pregnant! dr. C was thrilled to tell me i was wrong.
i was so happy i could hardly contain it. i had already called my parents on sunday or monday and told them that we had a "tentative positive." jeff wanted to wait to tell people, but as usual, i can't seem to wait. he's cautious, i'm excited. so i started slowly telling people close to me.
we had our first ultrasound on October 10th. it showed that we were having twins. panic was my close friend for about 24 hours. so many BIG changes. we were ready? what exactly did it all mean? a bigger car. more stuff. more concerns about how nate would react. more concerns about nate basically losing his mom for a long time in order for her to care for two babies. not to mention, pregnancy and health concerns. and having to pick an actual doctor now. but not just any doctor. a doctor who could understand the complexities of the situation and not want to automatically cut me open just because there are two babies. i was stressed out, to say the least.
we had a second ultrasound on October 19th. it showed that we were once again having only one baby. i think the first words out of my mouth were "oh, thank god." so much stress was instantly gone. but it was replaced by another nagging feeling.
since we are having to inject 100 mg of progesterone in my butt every other day, we would have no idea if something went wrong. as demonstrated by the vanishing twin. that's why we did the first ultrasound. and after the second ultrasound is when i really started to worry that we would not, in the end, be bringing home a baby. again.
i ordered, and have already received, our rental doppler. it arrived a few days before the 10 wk mark. i was able to find Nate's heartbeat at 10 wks, so i was hopeful but still reserved about this baby. keeping in mind that because of the twins my uterus got bigger faster than it normally would. but now that we are back to only one baby, it would seem logical that that growth would sort of plateau for a while. plus, the remaining twin is actually the lower of the two. i tried to find heart tones one night but couldn't actually hear anything. the doppler seemed to pic something up, but i simply couldn't hear what it was reading. so we decided to wait a few more days to look again.
we had our first "official" prenatal appointment with SP, our midwife, on November 1st. we had a really laid back appointment. do you want to weigh? do you want to pee in a cup? do you want a blood pressure? yes, no, yes. we did a GBS swab--better to know the answer on that early so we can deal with it. and we were actually able to hear a heartbeat. at exactly 10 weeks. i was surprised, happy, and relieved. now i know that things seem to be going ok. and now i can check whenever i want to without resorting to an ultrasound and regardless of the injections. and that's the whole point of the doppler. to make me comfortable.
we also had a consult on November 1st with a family practice doctor who we were hoping would be willing to "follow along" this time. i really don't want to get to that 40 week mark and have to scramble around looking for a doctor who is willing to take my case. Dr. F was great. very laid back. we told her that things had changed--originally we had made the consult appointment when we were having twins. we weren't having twins anymore, we were returning to our midwife for care and planning a homebirth. but we also expained Jesper's death and the plan with Nate. we told her we would be seeing a perinatologist, as usual. and that the plan would probably be similar to that with Nate. 2 level II's in mid and late pregnancy, BPP's at the end, and induction at 40 weeks. she's on board. says, "oh, we do that all the time." ok, news to me. she said we don't have to see her until 34 weeks because we already have so much care involved. so that is done. and i'm relieved.
and now we can fall into the miraculously mundane days of a normal pregnancy. happy.
testing . . . can you see those lines?
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