tender lessons

nate has always had a tender heart for those in need. sometimes a cat or dog--those ASPCA commercials have him in tears every time. sometimes a wild animal--he wants to give all of his money to the polar bears.

today while sitting in the parking lot at auto zone in santa fe we saw a homeless man sitting outside the store. we had just come from the über fabulous taco bell and happened to have some left over food. fresh and still warm and more than we needed. i stepped out of the car and asked if he was hungry. he said he was, so i offered him what was there at hand. he asked if i had any change for a cup of coffee. i gave him all the change i had on me at the time, which wasn't much. we talked about his last quarter which he used to buy a cigarette that day. i probably could have done more, but at least i didn't sit and do nothing.

nate watched with interest and then asked many questions. in the end, tears streaming down his face, he decided we should buy the man a car and build him a house out of logs. giving the man food and some change was simply not enough. so we talked about quite a few aspects of the situation.

first, that we can't afford to buy him a car or build him a house. ("but we can build it out of LOGS!" as if that wouldn't cost a single penny.)

second, that we have helped even if it was in a small way. a night's meal and a kind word help.

third, that sometimes people are homeless *by choice.* sometimes people cannot or do not wish to conform to the norms of our society.

fourth, that there are places and people who do more when the need is great. our favorite pet store *Pete's Pets* closed a while back. last winter we saw activity there again. nate was dying to go. certain he was that pete had opened his doors again. i suspected that pete had opened his doors to the homeless population. after a quick internet search, i confirmed my thoughts. i know there are several organizations that arrange and organize shelters in santa fe in the winter months. we aren't alone in our desire to help.

i wish we could help everyone who needs it and wants it. i wish we could buy them all cars and build them all houses. more, i wish this lesson were not so hard to learn. it hurts. it hurts him to not be able to do more and fix it all. it hurts me to not be able to do more. it hurts me to watch him learn that the world we live in is not always fair or kind or even-handed.

so i'm going to try to do more. the other night i finished knitting a hat. it took me only 3 days to make it. i thought, "how many can i make before it gets cold?" i'm going to find out. i'm going to enlist some friends who also knit. i'll probably donate them to a shelter, but i might keep a few to give to the people we encounter. i'm going to teach nate that we can help. one person, one meal, one hat at a time.

i hope nate keeps his tender heart. i hope it is not hardened too quickly by life or me or anyone else. more of us should have tender hearts for those who need help. i don't want to call it innocence and wish for him to outgrow it.