santa

i always said that i would never make my children sit on santa's lap if they didn't want to. no pictures of my children sitting on his lap screaming, crying, or looking even slightly nervous. nate didn't want to. he was freaked out by the guys in red. so no santa pictures for him . . . until this year!

he said he wanted to see santa. there was a santa at the mall in albuquerque, but they wanted simply too much money for that one lap. so i convinced him to visit the stand-in santa in los alamos. 

here's my secret. the santa at CBFox is someone that nate knows, sort of. he is super nice and the whole set up is very laid back. dave puts on the santa suit a couple of saturdays in december and just hangs out in the store. no big throne. no big to-do. you take your own pictures. no charge.

so here is nate's (and willow's) very first visit with Santa.

he's telling santa that he wants a take along pit crew truck. 

(santa got him nerf guns instead. but santa maintains that the nerf was on his list, so it was fair game--and much less expensive.)

willow was less impressed, but not freaked out. she was mostly just looking at nate the whole time.

golden math: december 2008

+ 2 x 3 x 3 x 3200 = are we insane?

this year for christmas we decided to travel up north to see our families. since jeff's family and friends in idaho falls had not met willow yet and hadn't seen nate--or the rest of us--in about 3 years, we decided to DRIVE! yes, we are insane. 

nate's first christmas we drove up. he was about 4 mos old at the time. then the next year, we did it again. he was about 16 mos that time. after that, if we have gone up north, it has been by air. but flying precludes idaho falls. my parents have come down regularly to visit, but jeff's folks have not been able to do so.

we felt it a drive was needed this year. nate was old enough (entertained by dvd's, books, and toys) to tolerate the drive--mostly. willow was young enough (not mobile and wanting to go, go, go) to tolerate the drive--mostly. we were just dumb enough to do it. i was itching for a good road trip. and finally, it had been just long enough for us to forget how difficult, painful, torturous it is with children. it used to be fun! and to a point, it still is.

this is what it did the night before we left. 

oh, and it didn't stop. i think los alamos got about 20 inches or more of snow from that storm. the roads were snow packed and icy until we got to colorado.

pit stop to make some yellow snow by the side of the road.

suddenly he had to GO!

we stayed the first night in provo in a hotel with an indoor pool. i love the person who thought indoor pools were great for hotels. love them!

pit stop in layton to see some friends. thanks for the playtime jenn!

(i won't be posting the other pictures because jeff took them while sitting down. we'll just say they aren't flattering.) but nate did get to play with ryan's guitar! rock on ry-man!

idaho falls stay-over.

we got to stay with the Berggrens in their house that was not-quite complete the last time we saw it, and we had an absolute BLAST! (that color is in honor of their guest room.) nate got to stay in kole's room, so he had a bit of an extended sleep over. kathryn got to watch willow, which i understand thrilled her no end. jeff and i got to see our good friends and eat some good food and have some good fun. 

i have more pictures, but they are on a disposable camera that hasn't been developed yet. [mental note, must get pictures developed!]

jeff's folks.

seriously, why can't everyone look in the same direction at the same time?

we have a picture that is very similar with nate and ralph at his first christmas.

first food

this was her first taste of baby cereal. it is oatmeal with bananas and apples--not quite as stomach turning as plain old rice cereal. (seriously, have you ever smelled that stuff? i wouldn't eat it either!) she was a little over 6 months old.

unlike nate, willow was not all that hip on solid foods, and we were quite happy about it. so we let her lead and waited until she seemed interested.

7 months

willow's "7 months" was Christmas time. this was her with Mama D (my mom).

 

(this post is a little bit out of order, but such is life.)

ready? set? holy overload!

ok so here goes with the catching up. bear with me there will be quite a few posts. i could, i guess, combine them all, but that would just be unnecessarily confusing. so i'm going to do it as i go! 

happy reading!

feeling crafty and lonely

i've been feeling very crafty of late. so i have been teaching myself (with much help from books and the internet) how to knit. i have also been doing some major crochet. i have been planning quite a few sewing projects, as well. 

and i have been feeing very lonely of late. so i have been neglectful of my own blog. i am most often found on facebook or reading the blogs of my friends far and near. clearly i am attempting to find some measure of connection. if i cannot find it in town, i must needs find it elsewhere (aka, online). sorry for not being more present here. tomorrow when nate is in school and willow is napping, i have plans to get somewhat up-to-date on pictures of the kids and the happenings here. (assuming i don't get sucked into the vortex of facebook. but i'll make it a point to be here instead, catching up.)

until then . . . 

echoes

as i sat in the dark tonight nursing willow to sleep, i heard echoes of some of the things that were said to or about us or our children during this last legislative session. not nice things. ugly things. hurtful things. things that leave me feeling depressed, again.

shall i share how terrible people can be? 

"how can you support this bill, it's just a lump of tissue." this one was said to someone who was there *with us* to support the bill and our efforts. all i could think was . . . it is a good thing she didn't say it to me. my comeback, "my son was no more a lump of tissue than you are right this minute." that's me being nice.

"i've had one of these." this was said by the chair of a committee. a state senator. i don't know anyone who had actually delivered a stillborn child who would refer to their child as "one of these."

"i am having a hard time with the idea of giving a birth certificate to something that was never alive." oh yeah. nice, huh? uttered by the very same state senator. you know, the one who had "one of these." nevermind that the state doesn't actually dispute whether or not Jesper was alive. and that that isn't the issue we have at all. "something"?  i just don't have the words . . . . . . 

nice bunch of folks, don't you think? warms the heart just a little bit, right?

admittedly, part of me wants to say that they are simply ignorant or misinformed or confused. i don't want to believe people can be so heartless, unfeeling, harsh, or cold. 

all i know for sure is that the echoes are making me sad tonight.

Help pass New Mexico House Bill 196

Tonight's post is to ask for your help. As you may or may not know, I have been working on a piece of legislation for a few years now that would honor and acknowledge Jesper, his death, and his place in our family. 

Currently, in New Mexico the only document that is generated by and for the State is a Report of Fetal Death. It is not quite a death certificate. It is definitely not a birth certificate. It is hurtful and insulting that my state refuses to recognize his existence, his life, his death, or his birth. So I have been working to change things.

In January, Representative Keith Gardner introduced House Bill 196 (Registrations of Fetal Death). It aligns New Mexico's definition of stillbirth with the CDC's recommendation: 20 weeks, or 350 grams if gestational age is unknown. It allows for the issuance of a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth. It fixes a few other issues we have encountered, as well. 

HB 196 is very similar, though not identical, to a bill that was passed in 2007 which was later vetoed by Governor Bill Richardson. 

So far during the current legislative session, HB 196 has already passed the House of Representatives 56-2, which is great! We just passed through the Senate Public Affairs Committee and only have one committee left in the Senate before a full Senate vote. However, we only have one week left!

So, what can you do? ***CALL YOUR STATE SENATOR NOW.*** We only have a very short amount of time to get through the Senate Judiciary Committee and the full Senate. Please ask them to support HB 196 when it comes to the full Senate for a vote. 

If you see your Senator (listed with county) on the following list, please call them and urge them to get HB 196 on their agenda quickly. 

Cisco McSorley (Chair) Bernalillo

Richard Martinez (Vice Chair) Los Alamos, Rio Arriba, Santa Fe

Tim Eichenberg  Bernalillo

Clinton Harden  Colfax, Curry, Harding, Quay, San Migue, Taos, and Union

Linda Lopez  Bernalillo

Sander Rue   Bernalillo and Sandoval

John Ryan  Bernalillo and Sandoval

Bernadette Sanchez   Bernalillo

Michael Sanchez  Valencia

Peter Wirth   Santa Fe

William Payne   Bernalillo

If you don't see your Senator on the list, please call anyways! Tell them that you want to see this bill pass and get to the Governor this year. 

Unfortunately, too many legislators would like to make this into a reproductive rights discussion. I want to clarify, this bill in no way effects reproductive rights in New Mexico. Put simply, this is not that issue.

Please help. And please, if I have sent this to you and you do not actually live in New Mexico, forward it to anyone and everyone you may know (other than me!) who does live here. We need all the voices we can get. I cannot imagine having to go through this emotional, stressful process again—but you can bet I will if it doesn't pass this year.

Thank you all so much for your time. I hope you feel inclined to help.

pushing buttons

this legislative session and our vigorous attempts to get our bill (jesper's bill) passed this year are taking a toll on me. 

i do not function well under a lack of information, a lack of communication. yet that is what we have to work with all the time. legislators who don't want to talk or who don't have the time to respond to numerous calls, emails, faxes. i am not cut out to be a politician. i cannot make nicey-nice for very long while squashing the negative feelings i've got going on.

we have been waiting, patiently, to get on one committee agenda or another for six weeks now. we only have two weeks left (a few days less than that actually). the committee that we are currently waiting on is the worst one yet. they are supposed to do things in a relatively predictable order, but they simply aren't. or at least they don't appear to be in our case. 

little did i know that our sponsor is doing his absolute best to get us through with as little effort to us as possible. using all of his considerable political influence. this bill is his top priority this legislative session. while i greatly appreciate it, i wish he would communicate just a little bit more. it might have saved me from getting upset today when our bill did not appear on Tuesday's agenda. it seemed that we were getting passed over again. it might have saved me from drafting and sending a blunt (to use C's word) email to the committee chair. and leaving a tearful message on our sponsor's voicemail. 

the truth is that on top of feeling very vulnerable this time, i am now getting anxious and nervous and worried and scared. time is running short. too short for my sanity. we still have another committee to get through. judiciary is busy, busy, busy. plus, they aren't even hardly hearing House bills at this point. if we don't make it through these last two committees in rapid order, we won't go to the full Senate for a vote. without that, it dies where it stands. it will never go to the governor for signing if it doesn't get out of the Senate. we will have to try again in another two years. two years. jesper would now be nearly 6. two years is too long.

if you live in NM, please call your Senator. make this the easiest Yes vote in the legislature this year. if you don't live here, keep us in your thoughts. 

through the window

since the weather is getting warmer, i am letting nate go forth into the world of our unfenced yard to play unsupervised. he's old enough now that i can *somewhat* trust him not to do himself too much bodily harm, not to run off, not to go near the street, and on and on.

today he got to go outside with expression permission to make mud. we have a 20 gal trash can (the trash can we used before the county switched to roll carts) that catches roof run off. it doesn't catch all of the water that runs off, but it catches some and we use that water on our plants--or for play. 

through the living room window i watched nate fill his little bucket with water, walk over to the playhouse, put the bucket on the roof, climb on top of the playhouse, then pour the water down the other side of the roof, then get down and repeat. one time he landed on his bucket and bent it, but i watched him fix it on his own without a tear. 

it was fun to watch him when he couldn't see me. i know he made mud, climbed up somewhere, poured water in his wagon. all things i would probably would have said "no" to or cautioned against, but since he was outside playing quietly by himself, i let it go. he is learning and growing and problem-solving and becoming a real boy, before my very eyes. 

today kind of makes up for the meltdown yesterday evening. throw in a nap today and we'll be good as new.